God’s plan is for a marriage to last forever. When one spouse is saved and the other is not, it can result in one or both individuals wanting to call it quits. If you ever felt like your personal experience of being married to an unbeliever was one in a million, this book seeks to encourage you. You are not alone. It is time to stop feeling like you are alone and allow this book to give you realistic, biblical principles that can change your life. As Christians, we don’t like to talk about the roller coaster of emotions and the desire to walk out of our marriage. Instead, we choose to suffer silently and pray that it will pass quickly. This book speaks to your inner thoughts and experiences and instructs you through the Word of God, how to become an overcomer.
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DATING AND WAITING….HMMM?
This has been running through my head for a while now. Is it just me or is “dating and waiting” a feel good cliché or what? Let’s just be real. It sounds good, but it doesn’t make sense. If you are dating then you certainly aren’t waiting. Or do they mean you are waiting to have sex. I mean talk to me, something is a little funny with that one. Alright, let me back up, perhaps my definition for waiting might be different from yours and Merriam-Webster’s, let’s see:
Merriam Webster’s online dictionary says
- : to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.
- : to not do something until something else happens
- : to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon
Now, I am assuming that your “expected event” is to be married to a godly man one day. If wait means to stay in place until that event happens, you need to figure out what your place is.
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
1. Apparently, if your husband is looking for you, there is a specific place he will find you, and it won’t be at the dinner table of a restaurant with some guy you are dating.
2. Your husband is not looking for a girlfriend, a causal date, or a ride or die chick. He is searching for a wife. Preserve yourself for him and only him.
3. It doesn’t take a man long to know that you are the one. When you are the one, he will let you know and God will confirm it in your spirit, too. And he will pursuit you until he marries you, but not in an ungodly, creepy way. STALKER!! He will respect your boundaries, and your standards so set them now!
4. Don’t settle! Haven’t you heard it said before that you will be out there looking for your knight and shining armor and end up with a knucklehead in aluminum foil!! Stop looking, park it and let him find you.
5. Remember you can find trash anywhere on the street, but a treasure is very hard to find. Stop putting yourself out there, letting the world know you are available. He needs to seek out his rare treasure, which is you.
* Dating can cloud your judgment on what God really wants for you. You end up comparing men and trying to find the one that is nothing like the last one, but forgetting to measure him up to the standard that God has set for a man in the word of God. So many guys want to test the waters and see how far they can take you. By the time you realize it was a game, you have been convinced that this man was God sent and you end up stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I know you are asking the question, how will I get to know him if I don’t date him. Well, sisters in Christ, let me tell you. You will never really know the man you marry. Only God knows all. But here are a few things you can do to help get started.
- Ask all of the big questions like have you ever been married, do you have any kids, do you want kids, and do you live a double life of any sort like serial killer, down low, peeping tom fetish…. Lol. You are going to find out most of these answers out within the first few conversations you have.
- Take advantage of the internet and check out his history. He can tell you everything you want to hear and treat you the way he should treat you and turn around and become someone different after you say I do.
- Your best option is to wait on God and listen to the Holy Spirit.
- If you don’t listen to God you will end up in an unequally yoked marriage and you don’t want that. Just read my book, Women in the Waiting, and you will find out what I mean.
When God sends him, you will know. He won’t try to get you to compromise your faith and you won’t have to make excuses for his half holy living. He will love God first and he will know how to love you and your children if you have any.
I hope this encouraged you to wait and not date because you can’t do them both. But it’s your life and it’s your choice. God has a man just for you, but you have to be in place and doing the things of God first. He will come along and sweep you up when you least expect it. But don’t put a time limit on it happening, that’s how you discourage yourself.
And yes, when my husband saw me, he knew that I was the one. There is something about “a man finding a wife.” We have been married 19+ years and plan to be married 100 more if God wills us to live that long. And guess what, I still don’t know everything about him, but I know that we were God ordained to be married and will continue to work to stay happy and encourage other’s through their process. Marriage is a beautiful thing when God is in it. But the single life is great if you enjoy it while you are in it!
Matthew 6:33 says But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Seek God first, he has a man just for you.
If you are one of the women in waiting, then wait on God!
PREACHING VS JUDGING
The gospel is good news and many people don’t understand that so they don’t know how to proclaim it and others don’t know how to receive it. We were born into a world of sin but we don’t have to live in sin. Preaching or proclaiming the gospel is telling someone that the way out of their sinful life is by accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. To judge is to give a verdict or conclusion about someone’s life. To preach is to publicly proclaim or teach God’s truth. When you read a scripture that says
1 Cor 6:9-10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. That is not judging, that is proclaiming the truth. But when you criticize a person for their sins, telling them their sin is the reason for certain things in their life other than what the bible says then you are judging. As far as consequences, more than likely they already know that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy and STD’s. That is not judging that is truth.
We get offended when people reject the gospel, the truth, and our perception. That is not a burden that we need to take on. We don’t need to stand up and defend the gospel, all we need to do is preach it and live it and allow the Holy Spirit to do the convicting. Don’t take it personally. They are not rejecting you, they are rejecting Jesus.
Feeling rejected will cause us to step into the realm of judging. We begin to criticize a person for being a sinner and for the sins that they are committing. We forget that we were once in their position and it took us time to accept truth and decide to come out of it. Let them live the life they choose because God doesn’t force himself on anyone, so why do we? There is no need to argue and debate with a sinner or even another saint. 1 Cor 14:38 But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.
Not only that, the bible clearly tells us that Rom 8:6-7 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. This is the reason why you see so many church people still living in sin. Going to church doesn’t make you born again. Being a preacher doesn’t make you holy. Being saved doesn’t make delivered. Salvation is instant, sanctification is a process, but you need to continuously put forth an effort to stop sinning. Rom 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. It takes work to become a better Christian. We are saved by faith, and guess what “Faith without works is dead!”
**Did God Send You?**
Rom 10:14-15 How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!
To avoid rejection, you better make sure God sent you with a word for that individual. When God sends you, you can rest assure that whether a person acts like they heard you or acts like they received the word of God, it will accomplish what it needs to do. Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
You may not see the results, but that Is ok because one plants, one waters, and God gives the increase. We don’t matter in the equation; we are just laborers in the vineyard. God gives the increase and he gets the glory. So we don’t have to worry about taking the credit or taking the fall when it seems like the word was not received. 1 Cor 3:7 So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.
The key is whether God sent you with the word or not. Sometimes we react in our flesh and want to go demon busting and sin thrashing just because we don’t like the situation or the sin. We make it our duty to tell someone how wrong they are when God didn’t appoint us to address it. Just because you see it doesn’t mean it is always your duty to speak on it. Sometimes you need to pray for them. Sometimes you need to just get in your word and be quiet. 1 Thess 4:11 And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; We are so busy trying to point out the other man’s sin that we don’t see our own.
*I’m a homosexual and you are a liar- Don’t judge me*
“Don’t judge me” This is the sinner man’s song, the church member’s song, and the preacher’s song. Well guess what; stop singing it because you are being judged every day!! Elementary kids judge each other, your boss judges you, church folk judge you, and the Lord is judging you. I won’t get into a long drawn out discussion on whether saints should judge people or not, but I will tell you this. If you are judging someone, make sure your life is up to par. Matt 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
I don’t mind talking about sin because I don’t practice sin. I strive daily to live better, to love better, and to be better. People are so quick to judge the homosexuals, but not realizing that their sin is no greater then when you lie and tell your child there is a tooth fairy and a Santa Claus. A lie is a lie!! Sin is sin!! Rev 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. And let me put this to rest, a homosexual pastor is just a sinner who needs to be saved and delivered.This should not cause confusion because the bible is where you will find truth. Stand on the word of God.
The sin of homosexuality is no greater than your gossip, disobedience, pride, cussing, lying, cheating on your taxes, talking bad about the church folk, and getting your drink on. If I stepped on your toes, take your shoes off and know that it’s all in love. We can pick and choose what we want to believe, but God’s truth will always stand no matter who debates or disagrees or argues. The bible says in 1 Pet 1:16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. The best thing to do is to try to live holy. Let the Holy Spirit work on you. Stop creating gray areas in your life to justify the sin in your life. With God it will always be black or white, hot or cold, heaven or hell. There is no holding cell for those of us who decide to be in church and still do sinful things. Either you are born again or not. Don’t worry about the people judging you, only God can sentence you. And don’t judge people who are not living right because you are not perfect either and it will come back on you. Speak truth in love. Go when God sends you and then sit down and be quiet when he says so. I hope this helped you in some way and remember this last thing Heb 12:14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Without holiness you will not see God.