ARE YOU A FRIEND OR FOE? KNOW YOUR ROLE!

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Are you a friend or a foe, and what is your role? As women, one of the hardest things to do is recognize and fill the roles in which we are required to fill. God places so many people in our life that we don’t know who is just passing through and who is here to stay. We spend all of our time trying to hold on to those who we were meant to let go of and letting one’s go who are meant to stay.  

  • #1 YOU HAVE A FRIEND: This is the person who has been there a while and will still be there in the end. This is the one to whom you can talk and share your deepest secrets, and she will never repeat what you have said. A friend is someone who will never try to sleep with your husband or your man. A friend will be honest with you even if it makes you cry. She will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. This person is one who you can have an argument with, get over it and still be a part of your life. But keep in mind, just because you consider her your friend doesn’t mean she considers you her friend. That is just the role that she plays in your life. I know that might throw you off a little bit, but let me explain it in the next role.
  • #2 YOU ARE A FRIEND: There are people that consider you a friend, but you don’t call them friend. You are there for them, but you wouldn’t trust them with your deepest secrets. You may have a great time whenever you get together, but you don’t necessarily want to hang out with them on the regular. When they need you, you are always there. There is nothing in the world you would not do for them. But be aware and be careful because this person will jump ship on you in a minute. And if this person decides to walk out of your life, it will hurt for a moment, but then you will realize they weren’t your friend any way, you were just supposed to be there for them for a particular season. When you are their friend, they will pop in and out of your life every time they need something and disappear once they have gotten what they need. If God tells you to be there for this person, then do just that. Know your role and you won’t get hurt. Know that what you give them may not necessarily be reciprocated. This will prevent you from becoming better and putting up a wall.
  • #3 YOU HAVE THE GARDENER: This is the person in your life who will help you through a situation. You may not call them friend and they may not call you friend, but whenever the need arises, this person shows up and will help to see you through it. They may offer words of encouragement, money, watch your kids, pray for you or whatever. These are just seasonal people who are not meant to stay, but whenever the season arises they will show up and do what needs to be done. You might be this for someone else as well. You just need to recognize when the season is over. Don’t try to make this person your friend. You may ruin he relationship that is designed to fulfill a need. Vice versa don’t try to befriend the person you are only sent to help.  
  • #4 YOU HAVE THE PUSHER: These are the people that we call haters, foes, and even enemies. These are people in your life who are just meant to bring out the best in you. Why do I say that? It would seem like they are there to kill your spirit or kill your dreams, but what you don’t realize is they give you motivation to get up and be about your father’s business and fulfill the dreams in your life. These are the ones who will lie on you at the drop of a dime. They will sell you out for their own personal gain. They will try to make you feel guilty for succeeding because they are not. They are jealous and angry and will try to suck the life out of you and kill your joy if you let them. Don’t mistake them for your enemy. They are not. They are just being used by the devil to stop you and enabling the Lord to get glory while you are in a humbling position. They will keep you on your face before God. Thank God for these people because without Judah, Jesus wouldn’t have been betrayed and pushed to his destiny. We would have salvation today. So without these people, there won’t be tests to prove your character to become better and build character in your life.
  • #5 YOU HAVE A MALE FRIEND: This is a friend that is always questionable. When I say questionable, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t a great listener or that he isn’t trustworthy. I am talking about something completely different. It has been demonstrated that males and females can have an innocent plutonic relationship. Unfortunately many of those relationships are ruined by an attraction that is physical. I believe they can have a relationship, but the majority of the time one of them have or had feelings for the other one at some point. Why do you think the world says you should become friends before lovers…hmmm? And if you are off limits, that man may never admit that he has feelings for, but that doesn’t mean ignoring them will make them go away. Be very careful about friendships of the opposite sex because it can complicate things later when you are married. Your spouse may be ok with it in the beginning, but you let Charlie come around enough and then you are stuck between choosing a friend you had for 20 years and your mate. Keep life simple.
  • #5 YOU HAVE FAMILY: The crazy thing about family is that they can play any of the above mentioned roles. No matter what you do or what you say, they will still be related to you. Family will either support or they won’t. Family will encourage you or discourage you. Family will love you or hate you. Family will provide for you or deny you. Family will come and family will go, but they are still your family. There is an old saying that blood is thicker than water, which means family ties are stronger than any other relationship. But I beg to differ with that one. Unfortunately “Operation Breakdown of the Family” is in full effect. Satan is trying to destroy families starting from the husband and wife, down to the parent child relationship. Sometimes you will find families with tight bonds and then there are some that are very dysfunctional. All you can do is be who you are, know when to reach out and know when to back off, but most of all pray.

Well, there are so many other people who will pop up in your life, but I just covered a few. I hope this helps when you are deciding between letting go and working to maintain a particular relationship. And don’t take on the mentality that God will let the wrong people leave so the right one can walk in. Everyone you meet serves a purpose in your life. Unfortunately good people will walk out of your life because you don’t know how to treat them. So always check you first, and if by chance you don’t have any friends at all, you really need to check you.  

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this! Please share and comment on it.

T Brown

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