Dating and Waiting….hmmm?



This has been running through my head for a while now. Is it just me or is “dating and waiting” a feel good cliché or what? Let’s just be real. It sounds good, but it doesn’t make sense. If you are dating then you certainly aren’t waiting. Or do they mean you are waiting to have sex. I mean talk to me, something is a little funny with that one. Alright, let me back up, perhaps my definition for waiting might be different from yours and Merriam-Webster’s, let’s see:

Merriam Webster’s online dictionary says


  • : to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.
  • : to not do something until something else happens
  • : to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon

Now, I am assuming that your “expected event” is to be married to a godly man one day. If wait means to stay in place until that event happens, you need to figure out what your place is. 

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

1. Apparently, if your husband is looking for you, there is a specific place he will find you, and it won’t be at the dinner table of a restaurant with some guy you are dating.

2.  Your husband is not looking for a girlfriend, a causal date, or a ride or die chick. He is searching for a wife. Preserve yourself for him and only him.

3. It doesn’t take a man long to know that you are the one. When you are the one, he will let you know and God will confirm it in your spirit, too. And he will pursuit you until he marries you, but not in an ungodly, creepy way. STALKER!! He will respect your boundaries, and your standards so set them now!

4. Don’t settle! Haven’t you heard it said before that you will be out there looking for your knight and shining armor and end up with a knucklehead in aluminum foil!! Stop looking, park it and let him find you.

5. Remember you can find trash anywhere on the street, but a treasure is very hard to find. Stop putting yourself out there, letting the world know you are available. He needs to seek out his rare treasure, which is you.

* Dating can cloud your judgment on what God really wants for you. You end up comparing men and trying to find the one that is nothing like the last one, but forgetting to measure him up to the standard that God has set for a man in the word of God. So many guys want to test the waters and see how far they can take you. By the time you realize it was a game, you have been convinced that this man was God sent and you end up stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I know you are asking the question, how will I get to know him if I don’t date him. Well, sisters in Christ, let me tell you. You will never really know the man you marry. Only God knows all. But here are a few things you can do to help get started.

  • Ask all of the big questions like have you ever been married, do you have any kids, do you want kids, and do you live a double life of any sort like serial killer, down low, peeping tom fetish…. Lol. You are going to find out most of these answers out within the first few conversations you have.
  • Take advantage of the internet and check out his history. He can tell you everything you want to hear and treat you the way he should treat you and turn around and become someone different after you say I do.
  • Your best option is to wait on God and listen to the Holy Spirit.
  • If you don’t listen to God you will end up in an unequally yoked marriage and you don’t want that. Just read my book, Women in the Waiting, and you will find out what I mean.

When God sends him, you will know. He won’t try to get you to compromise your faith and you won’t have to make excuses for his half holy living. He will love God first and he will know how to love you and your children if you have any.

I hope this encouraged you to wait and not date because you can’t do them both. But it’s your life and it’s your choice. God has a man just for you, but you have to be in place and doing the things of God first. He will come along and sweep you up when you least expect it. But don’t put a time limit on it happening, that’s how you discourage yourself.

And yes, when my husband saw me, he knew that I was the one. There is something about “a man finding a wife.” We have been married 19+ years and plan to be married 100 more if God wills us to live that long. And guess what, I still don’t know everything about him, but I know that we were God ordained to be married and will continue to work to stay happy and encourage other’s through their process. Marriage is a beautiful thing when God is in it. But the single life is great if you enjoy it while you are in it!   

Matthew 6:33 says But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Seek God first, he has a man just for you. 

If you are one of the women in waiting, then wait on God!

T Brown